Dealing With Separation And Divorce. Enduring a separation or divorce can be very challenging, it doesn’t matter the reason for it. It can turn your life upside down and make it difficult to make it through the day. However, there are things you can do to get through these trying times.
Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel indifferent. It is perfectly normal to have feelings of sadness, anger, exhausting, frustrating and confusing—and those feelings can be very powerful. You might also feel anxious about the future. Be accepting that these reactions will lessen as time goes by. Even though the marriage wasn’t a healthy one, voyaging into the unknown is scary.
Give yourself some time. Let yourself feel and function less than usual for a little bit. You might not be able to be as efficient at your job or care for other people the same way you are used to for a bit. No one is a superhero; take your time healing, regrouping and re-energizing.
Get some company. When you share your feelings with friends and family members it could help you get through these rough times. Think about joining a support group wherein you can speak to others in likewise circumstances. Being by yourself can increase your level of stress levels, decrease your concentration, and hinder your work, your relationships and general health. Don’t be scared to get help if you want it.
Emotionally and physically take care of yourself. Treat yourself and your body good. Make some time to exercise, eat right and take it easy. Try to keep your normal routines as much as you can. Try and stay away from making significant decisions or life plan changes. Stay away from alcohol, drugs or cigarettes as a coping mechanism; they just lead to other problems.
Stay away from power struggles and conflicts with your spouse or ex-spouse. If a discussion starts to escalate into a fight, calmly recommend that you try talking at a later time and just walk away or hang up.
Make time to consider your interests. Go back to the activities you enjoyed doing without your spouse. Have you always wanted to learn to play the guitar or join a soccer team? Sign up for classes, invest time in new or old hobbies, possibly volunteer, and make time to enjoy your life and meet new people.
Try not to think negatively. Easy, right? Circumstances might not be the same, but discovering new activities and friends, and moving on with a reasonable outlook could make the transition easier. Be adaptable. If there are children, family traditions are still going to be important but many of them might have to be adjusted. Assist in creating new family activities.
Life will return to normal. Even though “normal” can be different from what you’d originally expected.
Tips for speaking with children … If there are children involved, here’s a list of tips that may help your younger children and teenagers cope.
Comfort and listen. Be sure your children know that the divorce isn’t their fault. Listen to them and alleviate their concerns and make your responses direct but compassionate.
Retain stability and routines. Attempt to keep your children’s day to day and weekly routines as commonplace and stable as you can.
Provide discipline consistently. Now that the children can share time with each parent individually, be sure to agree beforehand on bedtimes, any curfews and other day to day decisions, in addition to any types of punishment.
Make sure your children know they can depend on you. Make and keep reasonable promises. And try not to excessively confide to them about how you feel concerning the divorce.
Try not to involve your children in the dispute. Stay away from arguing with or talking negatively about your spouse in the presence of your children. Do not use them as pawns or messengers or make them choose sides.
“Coping With Separation And Divorce.” Mental Health America, www.mhanational.org/separation-and-divorce.
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