If you have been thinking about divorce, you can be wondering whether or not it’s the right decision. It’s common to have doubts crawl into your mind here and there, but sometimes it’s essential to take a step back and examine the situation more closely.
How do you know if you are doing the right thing? How do you know if you want to fight for your marriage, or give up on your marriage? We are here to help you. Here are signs that you may see as you realize it’s time to end a marriage.
1. You’d rather be alone
If you want to just be alone, that is a definite indicator that you are at risk for divorce. Whenever you ponder about the potential of being single again, you get giddy or feel free. You may be already deciding on outfits for future dates or dreaming of life after your marriage. If thinking about divorce makes you feel free and excited and happy, this is a sign that you may be taking action toward a divorce.
2. Just your spouse’s touch makes you uneasy
When your spouse’s touch makes your skin crawl, it might indicate there are problems. Their touch gives you chills — but not the ones you want. It almost feels like a million ants on you. This is a bad sign for a marriage, and could indicate that divorce is a threat. In a healthy, loving relationship, most people yearn for physical affection and connection. If this isn’t the case in your marriage, you may want to get to the bottom of why you are revolted. This reason cannot be enough to get a divorce, but it does indicate some serious problems in your marriage.
3. You cheated — a lot
If you have previously cheated on your spouse, you may want to evaluate the path your marriage has taken. If you or your spouse have someone on the side, it’s clearly a sign of serious problems. After you’ve gone this far, it’s probably a good idea to start the divorce process. If a spouse is unfaithful, also consider the negative impact that infidelity could have on your health.
4. You wouldn’t stay even if your partner changed
Be attentive to the things they no longer like doing. What needs to change for you to stay married? If it’s a problem that can be easily fixed, you can try to make it through it as a couple. If there is no way for it to be resolved, divorce might be the right path to take. Whichever your decision, don’t demand that your spouse change, and try not to make threats. Doing so may cause your spouse to get defensive and do exactly what you don’t want.
5. There isn’t a future with your spouse
If getting old together sounds horrible, it could be time to call it quits. In a couple of years, you dream of an amazing future filled with successes. You get to move to a new city, you fulfill your career ambitions, and you’re genuinely happy. But your spouse is not in your dreams. If there is no way to see how they fit into your future, think about finding someone who does.
6. You simply no longer care
Your significant other did something that could generally make you furious, but now you just don’t care. Up to this point in the relationship, you’re just out emotionally. If you have no wish to work on the marriage, you are simply done. To make a marriage work, it takes both of you. You can see a counselor and get an idea of how you can change or decide to just call it quits.
7. You have too much resentment
Some reports say that the beginning of each divorce, if it involves cheating, finding nothing in common anymore, arguing more than usual, or disagreeing, starts from resentment. Sometimes in any relationship, someone will stew with resentment for their spouse, that follows the belief that love and hate are typically the same.
Resentment can simply heighten during the relationship. For a relationship to be successful is to not keep the resentment, but instead deal with it before it gets any bigger. If either of you starts feeling resentment, talk through it or think about going to a counselor.
8. Counseling was worthless
For a lot of people, therapy is a kind of last resort. Maybe you’ve taken this path before, and nothing’s changed. Your needs are simply not being met, and you still feel like you’d be better off single. If you think the professionals cannot help, it may be time to get a divorce.
9. You know the exact reason you want a divorce
Take some time to examine what about the marriage that makes you want to call it quits. What is the exact motivating factor?
You maybe are hopeless, unhappy or just don’t want to keep trying, knowing your reasons helps ground you in deciding to get a divorce. The more the decision is grounded in you desiring something more or different and less about what your spouse does, it will be easier to deal with divorce, mourn the loss of the relationship, and go on with your life.
10. You got married to fix your problems
Marriage is not magically going to fix your issues. Almost like kids won’t fix issues that exist in your marriage, getting married certainly won’t fix any underlying relationship issues either. Marriage won’t solve these issues, like feeling lonely and starting to be unhappy. If you got married because your thinking was it could solve your relationship or personal, you’ll soon find out it was too fast.
There are examples where a spouse wishes to rebuild the wholesomeness of the relationship, but the other does not. There can be instances of infidelity or addiction — and those issues can be the most difficult when it comes to contemplating to divorce. Examples of deal breakers for marriage that constitute divorce are emotional or physical abuse, total emotional withdrawal, addictions that the other isn’t willing to work on, volatile fights that occur fast and frequently.
- “5 Signs You Need a Divorce.” Fatherly, 5 Oct. 2018, https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/divorce-signs-unhappy-marriage/.
- Sheiresa Ngo. “10 Signs You Definitely Need to Get a Divorce.” Showbiz Cheat Sheet, 18 Apr. 2018, https://www.cheatsheet.com/health-fitness/signs-you-need-a-divorce.html/.