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How to Ask for a Divorce Peacefully

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No matter what you do, you just can’t seem to make your marriage work, and now you want out. How do you bring up talking about divorce without hurting your spouse or causing an outright war?

People typically ask how to keep things peaceful when letting their spouse know they want to end the marriage. There is no “right” answer, but preparing yourself, you can make a difficult conversation a little easier:

1. Soul Searching

Before you try to figure out how you’re going to ask for a divorce, be certain you really want one. Spend some time thinking about the real reasons you want a divorce as well as thinking about the other party’s reaction. By thinking about your own goals while staying thoughtful about your spouse, you will be better armed to decide if ending the marriage will solve your predicament.

2. Get Yourself Prepared

Knowing where your spouse is at emotionally ahead of time, can make a gigantic difference in how you bring up divorce.

Are they blissfully ignorant? Do you think they are just as miserable as you are? Has the “D” word ever been talked about before or will it be coming out of left field?

Knowing how wary your spouse is about the state of your marriage can help determine how your spouse is going to react as you prepare to bring up divorce. You may want to talk to a therapist or go to couple’s counseling to help go through your emotions and prepare you for the talk you’re going to have. They will help ”role-play” the discussion asking for a divorce and even offer ideas about what you can say.

3. Be Responsible for Your Decision

Instead of “You” comments (“You make me unhappy”) use “I” comments (“I feel unhappy”) in your conversation to stop you from sounding like you are putting blame on them. Each spouse will most likely go through a variety of emotions, but sometimes not at the same time. If they aren’t prepared to continue the discussion after you bring up that you want to divorce, give them a little time rather than trying to force the issue.

4. Decide on An Appropriate Time and Place

Before starting the discussion about divorce, make sure to choose the correct moment.

Take into account where and when your talk should take place and plan to talk when your child(ren) are not around so that the conversation can occur without any distractions and without engrossing them in an adult discussion. There is not a perfect time to reveal that you want a divorce, but some scenarios are better than others. If they have been battling with personal issues, like losing their job or a relative or close friend’s death, you may want to hold back until they have had a chance to work out those issues. Apart from that, you may receive a response that has less to do with your declaration and more to do with their personal issues.

In addition, decide on a location where you can have a private, continuous conversation with no pressure on time. This could be at home, at a therapist’s office or at a quiet eatery.

5. Be Considerate, But Firm

How you explain to your spouse that you want to end the marriage might determine the way the divorce process develops. If you address divorce when mad and flustered, your spouse might not take the news as seriously as if you bring up divorce in a calm, considerate way.

Bear in mind — you’ve spent a lot of time determining and prepping for divorce. More often than not your spouse hasn’t. If your decision to file for divorce comes is news to them, they may need a little time for the reality of your decision to become clear.

6. Don’t Discuss the Details.

If you’re both on the same page, and divorce doesn’t come as that much of a surprise, you may find yourselves already starting to talk about the division of property or talking about custody planning. Be cautious- negotiating a settlement without suitable assistance from a professional could end up hurting you.

Don’t talk about too many details on your own. It’s best to wait until you’ve hired the right professionals to help you throughout the process.

7. Seek Professional Help

If you want your divorce to continue as peacefully as it can, think about the collaborative process. To learn more, contact a Moshier Law.

 

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