Each person that goes through divorce thinks about how long it is going to take to get over it. Usually when a relationships end, people feel as like they’ve lost something important. Even if they were the one to request the divorce, it might be challenging to let go of the life you built with them over the years. They might want the pain to go away, but the heart of the matter is that each person has to go through the process of healing and moving on will take time. A lot of things affect your emotional recovery from divorce.
Getting Over Divorce
There is no ideal answer to how long it will take to get over divorce. It will depend on a lot factors. Usually, therapists state that it takes from 1 year for every 5 to 7 years of your marriage for you to get fully recovered from a divorce and get on with your life. Nevertheless, there are a lot of things that affect your emotional recovery from your divorce, and those can make healing occur faster or slower.
How Long You Were Together
The length of the marriage is not the only thing to think about. Many couples have been in a relationship for years prior to getting married. When you are contemplating how long it will take to get over your divorce, consider the actual length of the relationship. Say you were together for 8 years but married for just 4, you are going to more likely need 2 years to recover instead of 1 emotionally.
The State Of The Relationship
Obviously, if you are getting a divorce, your relationship was less than ideal. Nevertheless, the actual state of the bulk of your relationship will determine how long it will take to get over it. When you were totally happy in the marriage and are not sure of what happened that led up to your divorce, it can be a lot harder to face. Nevertheless, if your relationship was horrible and your partner treated you awfully, you may find that it easier to get over the divorce and get on with your life.
How devoted were you to this relationship? This can also impact how long it takes to get over your divorce. If you got married because it seemed like a good idea and you knew you could get out of it when you wished to, then you probably weren’t that devoted and moving on is going to be easy. But, at the same time, you totally expected your relationship to last until the “until death do us part”, you are going to have a much difficult time grieving and getting on with your life.
Surprise Or Not
If you noticed that there were issues in your marriage and realized that a divorce could be near, you most likely already begun preparing yourself and going through your emotions that come with divorces. This can lessen the time it takes to get over your divorce and get on with your life. Nevertheless, if the divorce was a total surprise and you had no notion that anything was wrong, you are going to have a much harder time accepting the circumstances and moving on.
When you and your partner have children together, it can make it more challenging to get over the divorce. Having children involved means that you’ll have to co-parent with your ex for the sake of the children. You will have to speak to them just about daily. You are going to have to see them when it is time for the children to head to the other household. And you are going to have to see them at school events and after-school activities. Even when you both seem to be able to deal with co-parenting easily, the continual interaction can make it a lot more challenging to get over a divorce.
When a divorce is the result of unfaithfulness, it could be that 1 of the 2 individuals in a marriage is already in a new relationship, maybe even prior to them telling their partner that they want to get divorced. If already in a newer relationship, getting over the divorce is going to be easy since you’ve already moved on from your marriage. When your partner is already in a new relationship and you aren’t, it can heighten feelings of desertion and betrayal, which can make getting over your divorce more difficult.
Each person is different, and consequently, it takes each person their own time to get over their divorce. If you have a strong personality, if you are a warrior, if you adjust well to changes, you are going to be able to get over your divorce a lot faster. At the same time, if you are overall submissive to your partner, silent and unlikely to clarify what you want, or you don’t deal with hasty change well, it is going to be a lot harder for you to get over your divorce. If you’re the latter kind of personality, going to therapy may help you in making changes within yourself to help you be tougher and more hardened.
Like almost anything else, statistics have a role in the time it takes to get over your divorce. Whereas it is not always known how the statistics impact the time-frame, demographics show that they will make a difference. Various genders, races, age groups, and categories of income all deal with divorce in different ways. A therapist is able to give you more information about how your statistics may impact your emotional recovery.
How You Deal With Emotion
There is going to be a gambit of emotions you will go through as you face your divorce. You’ll have feelings of anger, bitterness, desertion, betrayal, grief, loss, and grief. At times you might even feel nostalgic, increasing your sense of loss. How you deal with those emotions is going to make a difference in how long it takes for you to truly get over your divorce. If you hold back your feelings and don’t handle with them, it is going to take a lot longer for you to move on. The following are some ways that you can deal with feelings that are going to shorten the time it takes to get over your divorce.
Focus And Stay On-Track
There are a lot of things that you are going to have to do and handle with while you go through your divorce. It can be enticing to stay wallowing in your feelings and depression, but there is still real life to deal with. Housework needs to be taken care of, and there are things you need to do while separating your households. Focusing and utilizing lists to stay on track with the things that are required to be done is going to help keep you from going into further depression.
Put Away Memories
As soon as possible, store old pictures and memorabilia that conjure up feelings of your ex. Having those things around all the time is only going to make you seem more lost and isolated more often. When you store these things away, it says to your mind you’re moving forward and letting go.
Talk To Someone
You should have a good safety net of family and friends, speak with them about your feelings and what is going on with your divorce. Occasionally even when they don’t help you make decisions, it may help you feel better to get all of it out to someone that wants to listen. When you don’t have a good safety net, you need to see a therapist or advocate to help you with this.
Self-care is always vital, but it is particularly vital when enduring a major loss and life change like a divorce. You want to be sure you’re taking care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty glass. Meaning that you need to be sure you have a good morning habit, bedtime habit, and other habits to help you retain your health and mental well-being. It also does, obviously, include self-care things such as bubble baths or fitness classes.
How long does it take to get over a divorce? 9 things that emotional recovery depends on. (2019, October 05). Retrieved June 18, 2021, from https://www.regain.us/advice/divorce/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-over-a-divorce-9-things-that-emotional-recovery-depends-on/