Collaborative Process is a method of alternative dispute resolution that allows Arizona couples to resolve their divorce outside court through signed commitment agreements, professional team support, and dignified negotiations, even if there is still some lingering conflict or strained feelings between spouses.
Key Takeaways:
- Collaborative Process in Arizona requires both spouses and attorneys to sign commitment agreements mandating out-of-court resolution and acknowledging that both attorneys are required to withdraw if either party chooses litigation, creating built-in incentives for cooperative problem-solving rather than adversarial tactics.
- Conflict-averse individuals benefit from collaborative divorce because it doesn’t require couples to be on good terms—only a willingness to negotiate respectfully, disclose finances honestly, and focus on solutions rather than blame, with divorce coaches helping manage difficult emotions throughout the process.
- Collaborative divorce typically costs less than litigation by eliminating court fees, condensing timelines through structured meetings where decisions happen in real-time, and sharing costs of neutral financial specialists rather than paying separate attorneys for duplicative work.
If the thought of sitting across a courtroom from your spouse makes your stomach turn, you’re not alone. Many people assume that divorce means choosing between two bad options: either pretend everything is fine and try to be “friendly” through the process, or gear up for an all-out legal war. But there’s a third path that most people don’t know exists, and it’s designed specifically for people who want to avoid conflict without sacrificing their rights or their sanity.
It’s called Collaborative Process, and to be clear, it doesn’t require you to like your spouse, forgive them, or become friends. It simply requires a willingness to work toward agreements without turning your divorce into a battle that destroys your finances, traumatizes your children, and leaves everyone worse off than when you started.
What Collaborative Divorce Actually Means
Collaborative Process starts when you, your spouse, and your respective attorneys all sign a commitment agreement stating that you’ll resolve your divorce outside of court. This agreement fundamentally changes the dynamic because everyone involved—both attorneys included—commits to finding solutions rather than positioning for a fight.
Here’s what makes it different from traditional divorce: if the collaborative process breaks down and either party decides to go to court, both attorneys must withdraw from the case. This built-in consequence means your attorneys have a genuine incentive to help you reach agreements rather than racking up billable hours by filing motions and dragging things out.
Collaborative Process typically involves a team of professionals beyond just attorneys; financial specialists help with property division and support calculations, mental health professionals (called divorce coaches) help manage emotions and improve communication, and child specialists ensure custody arrangements truly serve your children’s needs.
This team approach means you’re not just getting legal advice but a truly comprehensive support system that addresses the practical, financial, and emotional aspects of divorce.
Why Conflict-Averse People Should Consider This Approach
If you’re someone who avoids confrontation, the traditional litigation process can feel like torture. Court proceedings are inherently adversarial. Your attorney’s job in litigation is to advocate solely for you, which often means painting your spouse in the worst possible light to convince a judge you deserve a better outcome.
Think about what that actually looks like: sworn statements cataloging every parenting mistake your spouse ever made, financial discovery that feels invasive and accusatory, and court hearings where you sit silently while attorneys argue about your private life in front of strangers. Even if you win, the process damages relationships beyond repair and creates wounds that never fully heal.
Collaborative divorce removes you from that adversarial system. Instead of two attorneys preparing for battle, you have two attorneys working together to solve problems. Instead of trading accusations through legal documents, you sit in the same room having difficult but productive conversations. Instead of a judge who knows nothing about your family making decisions that will affect you for decades, you maintain control over your own future.
For conflict-averse individuals, this matters tremendously. You’re not required to become confrontational or aggressive to protect your interests. You can be yourself—someone who values cooperation and compromise—without being taken advantage of or steamrolled in the process.
The Myth That You Need to Be Amicable
One of the biggest misconceptions about collaborative divorce is that it only works for couples who are splitting up amicably. People assume you need to be on good terms, able to have pleasant conversations, and essentially already halfway to being friends post-divorce.
That’s simply not true. Collaborative divorce works even for couples who are angry, hurt, betrayed, and struggling to be in the same room together. What it requires isn’t friendship, but a shared commitment to avoiding the alternative.
What collaborative divorce does require:
- A willingness to work toward agreements rather than fighting in court
- Honest disclosure of financial information and relevant facts
- Respectful communication during meetings (not friendship, just basic civility)
- Commitment to focus on solutions rather than assigning blame
- Participation in good faith, even when it’s uncomfortable
What collaborative divorce doesn’t require:
- Liking or forgiving your spouse
- Pretending the marriage didn’t fail or that you’re not hurt
- Being friends or having pleasant personal conversations
- Agreeing on everything immediately or without negotiation
- Suppressing legitimate anger or pain about the divorce
Think of it this way: you don’t have to like the other drivers on the highway to follow traffic laws that keep everyone safe. You follow those rules because the alternative—chaos and crashes—serves no one. Collaborative divorce operates on the same principle. You’re not agreeing to like each other or pretend the marriage didn’t fail. You’re agreeing that destroying each other financially and emotionally isn’t the answer.
The process acknowledges that you’re going through something painful. The divorce coaches and mental health professionals on your team help you manage those difficult emotions without letting them derail productive conversations. You can be honest about feeling hurt or angry, and the process creates space for those feelings while still moving toward resolution.
How the Process Protects Your Interests Without Creating War
Some conflict-averse people worry that collaborative divorce means giving up too much or letting their spouse walk all over them. They think that being cooperative automatically means being a pushover.
This is a misunderstanding of how the collaborative process actually functions. Your attorney in a collaborative divorce still represents your interests zealously. The difference is in the method, not the goal. Instead of fighting in court, your attorney negotiates strategically in collaborative meetings. Instead of filing motions to compel information, your team uses financial specialists who ensure full transparency from both sides.
The collaborative process doesn’t reward aggressive behavior or punishing tactics because everyone has agreed that those approaches are off the table. This levels the playing field in ways traditional litigation often doesn’t. In court, the spouse who’s willing to be more ruthless, lie more convincingly, or spend more money on aggressive attorneys often gains an advantage. In collaborative divorce, those tactics don’t work because the process itself is designed to prevent them.
You’re protected by having your own attorney present at every meeting. You’re protected by the commitment agreement that says everyone will deal fairly and honestly. You’re protected by professional standards that hold your collaborative team accountable. Perhaps most crucially, you’re protected by knowing that if the process isn’t working, you can withdraw and pursue traditional litigation, though both attorneys would need to be replaced.
What Happens When You Can Barely Stand to Be in the Same Room
Let’s address the elephant in the room: what if you genuinely can’t handle being around your spouse? What if the betrayal is so fresh, the hurt so raw, that collaborative meetings feel impossible?
First, this is normal. Most people going through a divorce feel this way at some point. The collaborative team understands this and builds in support specifically for these situations. Your divorce coach can meet with you individually before joint sessions to prepare you emotionally and help you develop coping strategies. Meetings can be structured with breaks built in. The pace can be adjusted to give you time to process difficult topics before moving forward.
Second, remember that collaborative meetings are structured and professional. You’re not having dinner together or trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation. You’re sitting in a conference room with professionals present, working through a specific agenda. There are ground rules about respectful communication. If things get heated, the professionals intervene to redirect the conversation.
Third, the collaborative process often improves as it progresses. Those first meetings might feel excruciating, but as you work through issues and see that the process is actually moving you toward resolution, the tension typically decreases. You start focusing less on past hurts and more on practical solutions for your future.
When Collaborative Divorce Might Not Be Right
Collaborative divorce isn’t appropriate for everyone, and it’s important to be honest about when traditional litigation might be necessary. If your spouse is hiding assets, refusing to be transparent about finances, or acting in bad faith, the collaborative process won’t work because it depends on honesty and good faith participation from both parties.
If there’s been domestic violence or a significant power imbalance in your marriage, collaborative divorce might not provide adequate protection. You need the formal structure and legal protections of the court system in those situations.
If your spouse simply refuses to participate in collaborative divorce or insists on going to court, you obviously can’t force them into the collaborative process. It requires voluntary participation from both parties.
But if none of those situations apply—if you’re simply two people whose marriage didn’t work out, who want to move forward with minimal damage, and who are willing to work toward agreements even if you’re not friends—collaborative divorce offers a path forward that protects both your rights and your well-being.
Moshier Law: Pioneers in Dignified Divorce Through Collaborative Process
If you’re conflict-averse and dreading what divorce might look like, Collaborative Process deserves serious consideration. It won’t make the process painless (divorce is inherently difficult), but it can make it manageable, humane, and focused on building your future rather than punishing your past. You don’t need to be friends with your spouse to make this work—you just need to be willing to work together, even if it’s uncomfortable. That’s not weakness, it’s wisdom!
Our founder and managing attorney, Jennifer Moshier, has been a collaboratively trained attorney since 2009 and has since helped over a thousand individuals experience the benefits of this pathway. We prioritize taking a hands-on approach to every case we handle, so you can have peace of mind knowing that you have professionals who are deeply involved every step of the way.
Your divorce doesn’t have to be a war. It can be a significant transition handled with dignity, even when the emotions are anything but friendly. Contact our team today to book your free case evaluation and learn more about how Collaborative Process can impact your divorce experience.
